Corrupt a Wish!

Granted, but you grew up 60 years after Starlight took over. Equestria has now essentially turned into 90's Russia when the equalist government collapses.

I wish for the apocolyaspe to happen where I would survive and can essentially live an escapist wet dream.

Granted, but you get bitch-slapped into submission by the antagonist within the first five minutes.

I wish Trump would lose the election.

Granted, but Hillary Clinton wins and essentially bankrupts the US government, causing global economic collapse.

I wish for the sweet embrace of death.

Granted, you die by an everlasting flame that takes several years to kill you, with the pain ever-increasing every time you get used to it.

I wish for a boat.

Granted, you get my extreme right-wing uncle's unmaintained, leaky 20 year old houseboat.

I wish for a private island off the coast of Oregon.

Granted, but you live near Oregon. Punishment enough in itself.

I wish for my wish to not come true.

Granted, the second occurrence of this paradox causes the end of the multiverse.

I wish I could visit Equestria.

Granted, however it is after a certain nuclear apocalypse and you quickly die by ghouls due to not being well-equipped.

I wish I could live in Portland.

Granted, you live in Portland, Kentucky.

I wish I had German citizenship.

(I think we all saw this coming) Granted; you now have citizenship in Germany during WWII.  Enjoy both being permanently stuck in a time of unrest and your horribly oppressed country.

I wish I could time-travel to any point in the past or future, and then return at will.

Granted, but you have to always travel to where Moldova currently is and can never leave outside the countries modern borders.

I wish I had a good sense of humor.

Granted, but a small group of people who find your humor to be offensive, complain online and to the government in an effort to censor you.

I wish Pokemon were real.

Granted. However, your house burns down because you forgot to Charmander-proof it.

I wish I didn't have to charge my phone.

Granted. Your phone is now bricked; now you never have to charge it.

I wish yo mama ain't so fat and dat she don't sit 'round da house.

Granted, but my momma beats your momma in everything!

I wish for world peace!

Granted. A mass extinction introduces the world to the peace of the grave.

I wish I could think of something to draw.

Granted *insert phallic symbol*

I wish I didn't have t wake up a 3:30 today.

Granted. You die in your sleep.

I wish all college costs were subsidized.

Granted, the national deficit increases by 20%, students still apply en masse for loans and private schools lose financial competitive edge. Professors wages are cut and many advanced field degrees become worthless. Overall there is billions of dollars lost from the economy and giving more people degrees will no remedy it.

I wish for some good sushi.

Granted. However, you choke on your sushi due to completely unrelated reasons.

I wish I could be a god.

Granted, you are now the god of traps.  Yes, both.

I wish for a dinosaur.

((Mmh. Slaneesh. Cursed with awesome.))
Granted. It eats you without a second thought.

I wish I had a wish-granting genie.

Granted, but the genie grants your wishes in a way that is completely unexpected, usually garnering negative, or perhaps....corrupted results.

I wish I could speak and write in any language.

Granted, but you can only right derogatory racial slurs.

I wish to play accordion in a wheat field while removing kebab.